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NFL to play separate but equal Black, Latino, Asian, Persian, and Native American anthems before each game

As push-back against systemic white racism, the NFL will play national anthems for Black, Latino, Asian, Persian, and Native American peoples. The anthems will add 25 minutes to the pre-game festivities. Players will be required to stand, bow their heads, and raise their fists in solidarity.

Roger Godell refused to allow a Caucasian anthem because he says “that would be racist” and “white people are to blame for everything and NFL fans need to be constantly reminded of this”.

The NFL will also allow people of color to loot concession stands for 15 minutes of halftime. The NFL is also considering executing one random Caucasian fan in attendance at each game, each week, in honor of George Floyd.


Bo Gus ManN

Bo is a tough guy from Brooklyn who doesn't care about anyone's feelings. If he offends you, don't even bother complaining. Due to his mob staus, we can never fire him. Bo has had many run-ins with the law and so he has learned to become a good liar. Anyway, that's why we hired him. We're fake news.