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Asian student apologizes for getting accepted into Harvard

Lee Chang has apologized for studying really hard in high school while others balanced study with sports and partying. Lee says that he is most embarrassed for his near perfect SAT score of 1580. Because of his high IQ and work ethic, he was able to cut ahead of other students, particularly students of color, who were not accepted into Harvard.

“I take a knee and apologize for my race. We Asians have excelled in school for too long. I should have at least been thoughtful of others when I took my SAT test. Now, because of my Asian privilege, I will get my Harvard degree, which will almost certainly lead me to a higher paying job than what others will earn. I will have to live with that shame for the rest of my life.”


Bo Gus Mann

Bo is a tough guy from Brooklyn who doesn't care about anyone's feelings. If he offends you, don't even bother complaining. Due to his mob staus, we can never fire him. Bo has had many run-ins with the law and so he has learned to become a good liar. Anyway, that's why we hired him. We're fake news.