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How Greta Thunberg applied her hop scotch skills to become the world's top climate science expert

Greta Thunberg is truly a genius. Not since Kim Jong-un mastered golf in his very first round of play, has anyone mastered a skill or field of knowledge as quickly as Greta Thunberg. So how did she do it? Through a rigorous brain exercise known as hop scotch.

Hop scotch has numbered foot boxes. But here’s where it gets mindbogglingly complicated. Those numbered boxes are not always meant to be stepped in one at a time. Sometimes two feet are to be placed in unison in different boxes. The extra brain power and foot-eye coordination that is required is extraordinary. Yet Greta Thunberg excelled so much at hop scotch, that she dropped out of the 9th grade, becoming an instant expert on thermodynamics, calculus, physics, biochemistry, statistics, weather, ocean science, meteorology, space science and public policy. Best of all, she’s a child. Nobody can question her. As they say, the debate is over and the science is settled.


Wi Tu Lo

Wi is part of our outsourced labor team. Instead of having to pay some demanding American the outrageous rate of $7.25 an hour, we keep Wi on our payroll for just 13 cents an hour. Best of all, Wi is thrilled to work in a rat infested sweat shop. Prior to working for the Atlantis Enquirer, he worked at a fake computer support call center, so we knew he was a skilled liar.